tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6426202096598051070.post729634359939691815..comments2024-01-04T09:23:45.843-05:00Comments on Watching the Lights Go Out: The Challenges of IKEADavid Hilfiker http://www.blogger.com/profile/00479949692410414480noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6426202096598051070.post-13414313610473426902013-11-28T22:35:51.003-05:002013-11-28T22:35:51.003-05:00You're obviously in a very difficult situation...You're obviously in a very difficult situation. I don't there's any way that I or anyone else not intimately involved can know the emotional realities you're wife is experiencing well enough to answer your question directly. <br />One thing I would be considering is how long your wife has known about the diagnosis. If it's been a relatively short time, her anger may be the only way she knows to deal with her grief. If so, insisting that she "accept" the diagnosis may be counterproductive. After I'd received the diagnosis from my neurologist, Marja was reluctant to accept the diagnosis. After a short time of trying to convince her, however, I just let her go and stopped pressing her, figuring she needed to accept the reality in her own time and on her own terms. <br />Again, I don't know any of the details, so I may be way off base, but you may want to evaluate your own need to have her accept it. If part of the issue is YOUR need to have her come to terms with it, you might want to talk with a professional, not so much about what to do with your wife but about what to do with your own needs. You can't do much about her role in the conflict; all you can do is to change your role. It might allow you to back off and let her work with it on her own.<br />Another thing I would consider is whether you think she knows the objective facts. If she is already aware of what the diagnosis is, then it probably won't help to have someone call to tell her again. If it's not INFORMATION that she needs, then she isn't going to be very interested in a conversation with the experts.<br />On the other hand, if after a longer period of time she doesn't seem<br />to be making any progress, then someone from the UCSF might call, but I would think it would be best to have someone with real psychological sophistication who doesn't call so much to tell her as to listen to her. <br />My own opinion is that it's easier for the one who is cognitively impaired than it is for the spouse or children or whoever. At least for the first half of the illness, the caregiver may need more help than the person with the diagnosis. So we with the diagnosis need to be as patient and understanding as we can.<br /><br />Good luck! David Hilfiker https://www.blogger.com/profile/00479949692410414480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6426202096598051070.post-82955146241432067982013-11-28T11:45:11.071-05:002013-11-28T11:45:11.071-05:00David, thanks for this wonderful site. I have rece...David, thanks for this wonderful site. I have recently been diagnosed with MCI at the UCSF (University of California San Francisco) whose memory and aging clinic is among the top rated in the world. Although I am only 54 yrs. of age, the symtoms you have described fit to a tee. Additionally, there are episodes of dismissal by othersdue to normal aging. My immedited concern is my wife's outright anger when the subject of MCI comes up. I have been told by applicable professionals that she is just terrified of what the future may hold. My question is should I take UCSF's offer to call her and discuss applicable issues with her to try to alliviate some of the tensnion and fear. It is putting a lot of stress on our marriage.<br />Thanks,<br />Steve. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6426202096598051070.post-47423041389670885112013-11-27T23:31:11.361-05:002013-11-27T23:31:11.361-05:00Yes, in that back-handed way, seeing such clear si...Yes, in that back-handed way, seeing such clear signs of my impairment is reassuring in that it confirms what otherwise be a somewhat vague sense of diminishment.David Hilfiker https://www.blogger.com/profile/00479949692410414480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6426202096598051070.post-37184096267804323182013-11-26T17:01:51.563-05:002013-11-26T17:01:51.563-05:00David--thanks once again for sharing. After losin...David--thanks once again for sharing. After losing my own mother to Alzheimer’s, I find myself with a best friend who is losing hers. And I somehow intuitively know it will strike me as well if I live long enough. But suddenly, I barely know how to comfort her...reading your blog has helped in many ways and I certainly hope you can continue as long as you are comfortable writing it. Thanks so much for sharing--Cindy, Monroe, LAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6426202096598051070.post-89994071602181231372013-11-26T10:32:04.104-05:002013-11-26T10:32:04.104-05:00I am following your blog and find all of it very h...I am following your blog and find all of it very helpful. This help me to see things in different perspectives. We do have a family history of Alzheimer's so I've been looking into all areas of information, other than the Health/pharmaceuticals. Well, something of great interest has come along, which brings to mind the quote "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." This info is from a renowned neurologist. David Perlmutter, MD, blows the lid off a topic that’s been buried in medical literature for far too long: carbs are destroying your brain. And not just unhealthy carbs, but even healthy ones like whole grains can cause dementia, ADHD, anxiety, chronic headaches, depression, and much more. http://www.drperlmutter.com/about/grain-brain-by-david-perlmutter/nanalindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09416715471817794649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6426202096598051070.post-23276755126656296532013-11-25T14:47:22.725-05:002013-11-25T14:47:22.725-05:00I am, of course, reading your blog through the len...I am, of course, reading your blog through the lens of my own experiences and thoughts. As far as I know, I do not at the present time have Alzheimer's, nor am I caring for someone who does. But I am very encouraged by your equanimity and your positive attitude. <br /><br />Today's blog in particular would be very reassuring to me, were I in your situation. You know you've had some memory problems; you've talked about them before. But then there were those tests that found nothing wrong. The IKEA experience would be, for me, just further confirmation that the original diagnosis is correct, and maybe the tests will catch up eventually or maybe they won't, but this confirmation would be a plus for me. <br /><br />I admire your honesty and courage in sharing all this with all these anonymous people out here, and I am so grateful to you. I may or may not ever need to know about this, but here you are sharing it, just in case. Thank you! Blessings on you today, and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!Judy Cainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02652752230765585896noreply@blogger.com